Eye Contact and the Cabeceo:

The cabeceo is a charming custom, but can be confusing for those of us coming from a culture where sustained eye contact is considered extremely forward or even dangerously aggressive.

Eye contact doesn't have to be so scary, though! One of my favorite things about making eye contact with someone is that you are really just recognizing another human being in your presence. It doesn't have to be long intense staring, either. Just a quick look with a pleasant smile to let others know that you see them.

The main thing that made me feel so invisible during my trips to Europe was the fact that I was so shy and self-conscious that I had a hard time looking people in the eye. In return, when I did finally manage to look up, by then no one would look at me. I truly was invisible.

Remember, by avoiding eye contact, you are sending a message - "Don't ask me to dance." Look up!

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Attitude and Body Language:

If the generally accepted indication that you are through dancing is to take your shoes off and rub your poor tired feet, it makes sense that to indicate that you are ready to dance you should do the opposite. Try sitting on the edge of your chair, smile at people passing by, and make light conversation with the people sitting nearby, all while keeping your eyes open and directed towards the leaders you're interested in dancing with.

Fabulous follower Jennifer Bratt has addressed this question beautifully in her "Ask Maleva" column here.

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Location, Location, Location:

My friend Amie described her recent discovery at a tango festival to me the other day. She explained that she had been sitting at a table with a friend for a while when she decided to get up and move around the room a little. As soon as she started to circulate a bit, she broke out of her sitting streak and was asked to dance. Sometimes people just need to see your face.

On the other hand, there are times when it can help to just sit and have a glass of wine or something. At a milonga, if I'm feeling like it's just not my night for dancing I'll switch my focus and make it a social night instead. I'll order a gin and tonic, and hang out and chat with people. Those nights have ended up as some of my best!

You've tried everything - you're dressed to the nines, you're making eye contact and smiling at everyone within a fifteen foot radius, you've circulated, and you've made new friends, and it's still not working. You haven't danced for the last 4 tandas and you're starting to feel frustrated and defeated.
It's ok to surrender! Don't beat yourself up over lost dances. Go home, take a bath, do something nice for yourself, and try again later when you're feeling better.
Men say they aren't perceptive, but they can pick up on your mood from a good ten feet away, I guarantee it. If you're feeling foul, only the least aware man in the room will risk dancing with you. Unless you think you can pull yourself out of the dumps, cut your losses and try again another day!

You spot a lead who looks divine, but you don't know who he is. You made eyes at him when he passed by and smiled in his direction when he sat down across the room, but he's overwhelmed by the number of people and hasn't noticed you, yet. What's a girl to do? Get closer. With a couple hundred people in the room, a man can only see what's directly in front of him, so put yourself in his line of sight.
Get close enough for eye contact, and pay attention to his eyes. No need to stalk, though. If you're in his range and he's actively avoiding your eye contact, give him some space. It's not going to happen right now. Maybe later.

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Making Connections:

If you would like to ask someone to dance, but are having no luck with getting eye contact, consider introducing yourself to him with no intention of asking for a dance right then. No need to corner him or monopolize his time, though. Just a quick, "Hi, I'm ____," can be helpful to just get yourself on the radar.

My rule: If I've been sitting alone for more than a tanda or two, I look for someone new to sit and chat with, preferably another follower. In Argentina I learned the handy trick of chatting with the person at my table while I continued to scan the room, keeping my eyes open for potential partners. I like spending my non-dancing time getting to know someone new, and it keeps both of our spirits up while we wait for our next dance. And the best part? You can ask your new friend for dance recommendations.

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Humorous Solutions:

Tits up, smiles on, ladies! - Christine Knight

Last Resort: Send a friend. This only works if you are an Argentine woman and you have partnered Chicho or Gustavo at least twice. Send a friend over to the lead you'd like to dance with and have her say, "My friend wants you to know that if you ask her to dance, she will say yes." Only for extreme cases.

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